. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .everyday nonesense.

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[27 May 2009|11:53am] I'm so over being a girl. I hate being moody. I hate caring...or feeling like I care. I hate not having any energy. I'm always trying to figure out how to just be ok. Ok with him. Ok with life. Ok with me. Days spent trying to just be happy. Days spent failing. Ugh. post comment

[07 May 2009|11:31am] I've got a minivaca coming up and I'm stoked. Nothing grand planned, but lots of little things to get ready for the summer...hydrating, cleansing, organizing, destashing and destressing. I want this summer to be amazing. Days filled with work/making money. Nights and weekends filled with friends (and the boyfriend, if he decides not to be a loser) and fun adventures...house hunting (and hopefully finding), roadtripping, creative madness, and tons of shows. I want to go to Seattle and Spokane and the beach and do the 'fruitloop'. I want to take millions of pictures and create everyday. I want to see my favorite bands and discover new favorites. I'm looking forward to some amazing memories and incredible creations. Who's with me? post comment

[05 May 2009|05:52am] I had a dream about him, this morning, and I have no idea why. We were just chillin' with the fam. Mom, Uncle Dave, and Jess were there, along with him and I. We were all just sitting around bullshittin' and having a good time. Then we decided to play this weird game of checkers, some kind that allows 5 people to play. While we were playing the game, he puts his hand on my leg, so I grabbed his hand and held onto it for the rest of the game. After the game we went shopping, don't remember for what, but we held hands the whole time. Then my alarm went off. What a weird way to start the day...waking up from a dream about somebody from work. I'm like WTF? Trying to figure out why and the only thing I can come up with is he's the last person I saw before I left, yesterday. post comment

[01 May 2009|07:41am] I can't believe I'm awake, this early, on my day off. I suppose it would be considered sleeping in, compared to my 4:45/5am, but I was kind of looking forward to 10am or so. Oh well, get the day started early, I'll get more things done...maybe. Went to the Ugly Colors show, last night. Was excited to see Delta Bravo, but they were kind of a let down...I blame that on the crowd, though, not the band. The highlight of the night was Turned Up Missing. They're this great indie pop band from Ashland...the singer's voice is amazing...had to have the album for my collection. Ugly Colors was up last, and again I'll blame my lack of interest on the crowd...I <3 the music, but hate the scene. My contacts were getting tired, so we left midway through their set. I'm still waiting on those MP3s, from Alex, but I have a feeling the album may come out before I get those. Before the show, we had some Noodles and grabbed some Starbucks. I got this super cute little coffee press, while we were there, for the bag of coffee I bought for the free canister. I think I'm going to take it back, though, so I can get a bigger, and more awesome, one from Dutch Bros. Also on my 'to do' for the day, though I probably won't get everything done...clean room, do laundry, wash car, vacuum car, make CDs for swap, make jewelry for swap, rip Turned Up Missing CD, update journal, send out all overdue swaps, go shopping w/ BJ, go to Jess' jewelry party, go to Target, get cash, find Zune cord, order new anchor tops, pay phone bill, pick up mail (hoping for my tax refund check), leave swap feedback, work on 'Wreck This Journal' project... I guess I better get my ass outta bed and get started. post comment

[14 Apr 2009|09:21am] What a shitty weekend. I can't wait to get back to work. Some place where I can stay busy and not think. Yesterday, I pretty much screwed myself. Law & Order and a day full of no noise, lots of time to let my mind wander to places I don't want it to be...those days never work out in my favor. Today's a new day, though. I've got some time, this morning, to get things taken care of...gotsta get my taxes sent off. Plus, I'm detoxing...so, I've got something to focus on. I guess the weekend wasn't a complete waste...I discovered some musical greatness. I was looking for some decent rock, which I came up with a couple, but my most exciting find was Michigan. Found a few local bands to check out, as well, so I'll have to keep an eye on them. I'm hoping I'll have the evening of the 30th off, so I can go see Ugly Colors with a couple other local bands. 2 comments|post comment

[13 Apr 2009|07:02pm] The way I see it, she has to approve of it, then I have to, then he does...if she doesn't like it, it's definitely a no go, which is fine with me. post comment

[09 Apr 2009|02:00pm] [ music | Cold - Go Away | Powered by Last.fm ] It took me a while to get my day started, yesterday, but once it did, it rocked. The Cold show was pretty much AMAZING. Best show I've been to in way too long. The opening band was decent. Kind of had a semi-reggae rock thing going on. I might have gotten more into them, if it were a different setting. The Drama Club was good. I danced, I rocked, I made myself look crazy...that's always fun. The Killer And The Stars went on right before Cold...mistake...they were way mellow and it kinda made me want to take a nap. Now that I take a listen to them, they aren't that bad...I may actually be a fan, I'm really diggin' the 'End Of Summer' track...but they didn't fit before Cold. I'm thinking maybe they would've been more accepted being the opener...kind of build up to Cold, instead of mellow, rockin', mellow. Anyways...I was super impatient as they set the stage for Cold. I was all hyped up on Red Bulls and Dayquil...I was ready to rock and the waiting was killin' me. Luckily, there was this guy in front of me that was just as jazzed, so I kind of fed off him, so I didn't lose my fuel. Finally they came out, after they played a video of their career. Everyone pushes forwards and me and the guy in front of me end up side by side in the second row of the pit and that's where we stayed for the rest of the show. It was awesome and I forgot how much I missed it. At the end I shook Scooters hand and we went on our way. A lot of people were stickin' around to meet the band, but we had other places to be, so Michelle and I headed out. After the show, we went and picked up Kyle, so we could grab a drink and play some pool. We thought we were going to meet up with one of Kyle's buddies from high school, Dave, but he sent us to a strip club and then bailed. So, after we had a drink there, we moved on down the street to this rad pub. We played a few games of pool...Michelle & I against Kyle, because we're no good. I don't think we ever had an official winner in any of the games, but it was fun...and I finally got to meet the infamous Kyle. Finally made it home about 3:30am and decided that if I didn't have to work and I had more friends, I could do this every night. Good times with good people, that's what I'm all about. Today, Jess and I may go check out another house. I gave Ty a call, he's going to check it out and get back to me. I should probably get back into the working state of mind...don't know when my next day off'll be. The schedule says Sunday, which'll be nice, because I'd like to spend Easter with the fam, but we'll see what happens. x-posted MySpace. post comment

[08 Apr 2009|10:22am] I woke up this morning...from a dream of hanging out with Brandon and Justin at BJ's, which ended in a text calling me a ho...to thoughts of houses. I don't know what to do, today. I have a ton of stuff around here that I could do, but no motivation to do anything. I've got too many uninspired days off, this week, which is no good. Got some news yesterday, that really pisses me off. I'm hoping it won't happen, but my boss may have to cut my hours. I was having a shitty day as it was, then she throws this on me...completely made my day. So, I came home and slept, because I was running on way less sleep than I should ever run on. It just makes me moody and very unpleasant when I don't get enough sleep or have a crappy diet. So, I'm working on all that, so I'm not a complete bitch. After my nap, Jess and I went and drove by some more houses. Found a couple decent ones and one with a hole kicked in the side of it...no mold growing on the walls, though, so I suppose that's a plus. That was all yesterday, though, today is today. I'm super stoked about the Cold show, tonight, but I better not waste the day away waiting for that. For now, I'll leave you with some awesome electro that I found in my P.O. Box, yesterday. Sacrifice (electro edit) - The Death Of Me [link expires in 7 days]. post comment

[06 Apr 2009|09:28pm] So, today was an experience. I took the leap and called Ty. He's super rad, so I'm glad I did. We've got a realtor, now, now the house hunting truly begins. The house Jess and I went to look at last night looks nice from the outside... The inside was a completely different story... Won't be taking a second look at this place EVER...so sad. On the upside, of today...I didn't sit around the house and do nothing. Went and hung out with Justin for a while at Clackamas. We walked around the whole mall, I think. It was a nice day for a walk. That place has expanded so much, I was kind of shocked. All in all a semi-productive day...that's all I could've hoped for with the way my morning started. x-posted MySpace. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Apr 2009|09:26am] [ music | Electrasy - Morning Afterglow | Powered by Last.fm ] My day got started about 7:30pm, yesterday. I spent most of the day going through my clothes, getting rid of the things that I'll probably never wear, and messing around on the computer. Jess found a house that she wants. It's super cheap, so we went to check it out. It looks nice from the outside, but the inside may be a different story. My job, today, is to find us a realtor. We need to check out the inside, if there's not too much wrong with it, I think we may go for it. I don't know if I'm ready, but I have to go for it, because this chance may never come around again. After checking out the house, with Jess, I dropped her off and went to pick up Michelle. She had been looking to get out of the house most of the day, but I just wasn't finding any reasons to get up and go. So, when I decided to check out the house, I asked if she wanted to grab coffee or something. She was all over that. We, actually, ended up going to Cruisers. I had a delicious swirl cone that was WAY too big...I think I'm over ice cream for a while. Instead of hanging out there, we decided to hit up EM. Originally I hadn't planned on buying anything. I'm trying to get rid of my CD collection, switching over to digital, but there are just some CDs one must have. On our way to the register I spotted the Electrasy album that I've been looking for. I don't know why I was so stoked about it. I absolutely <3 the song 'Morning Afterglow' but the rest of the album doesn't really sound anything like that. Also found a copy of GRiNDSToNE's 'Nowhere Under.' I've already been through 2 copies, but this one was like brand new, so I had to have it. Just under $8 later, I was out of there with 2 CDs to add to my collection that I'm trying to decollect. Texted Justin on the way home. It was an amazing night and the last time I talked to him we were talking about places outside the city that were good to look at stars, it seemed like a good night to do so. Unfortunately, in true Jamie fashion, I was asleep by the time he was able to really text me back...sorry Just. x-posted MySpace. post comment

[05 Apr 2009|09:49am] [ music | Blaqk Audio - Between Breaths (an XX perspective) | Powered by Last.fm ] Dreams are a crazy thing, sometimes. I've been dreaming of things and people I shouldn't be dreaming of. Last night...it started out with a dream about work. I was helping out in the teller room, working with one of the other tellers to get things done. The plan was, I'd go to lunch, she'd keep working, and when I was back she'd go home. Well, I get back from lunch and nothing was done. All my reports were late and she was nowhere to be found. Then my day goes onto people just coming in and hanging out while I'm trying to get everything taken care of. The dream finally ends with a shitload of people coming into the room and trying to take the money...I end up beating up like ten people to get all the money back...I don't know, I hope that never happens. The other dream, that I remember, is with a couple guys...one from the past and one I work with...along with family. We're out to breakfast, at Village Inn, the guy from the past isn't too excited about having breakfast, so he's all bummed out. Once he finds out it's ok to order something from the dinner menu he's super happy. All the while we're talking and he's carved some chicks name into his finger, he's working on a homemade tattoo. He starts holding my hand and we're just talking. The guy from work is sitting on the other side of me trying to talk to me, as well, but I'm very focused on this other guy. That dream ended with a wakeup text from Kyle wondering what the hell Michelle has been saying about him and his friends. Not like weird strange, just strange...wonder if there's any meaning to any of it. post comment

[31 Mar 2009|09:30am] [ music | Look Mexico - I'm Not Guilty, But I'm Used To It | Powered by Last.fm ] I had a lot of fun, yesterday. I thought I would just end up wasting the day away, until it was time for the show, but I didn't. Went and looked at some condos/houses. There are so many for sale out there, it's kind of sad. It's not the time to be selling your house, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get by. Found this condo way out in Gresham that I might be interested in, but it is way out in Gresham, so it'd be a trip to get to work...I should probably keep looking. Clothes shopping didn't turn out too well. I spent a lot of money, but didn't really get anything. I'll probably spend some of today taking things back. Music shopping went a little better. Picked up a couple decent albums from the dollar bin. Now all I have to do is get around to listening to them. Grabbed a bite to eat at Noodles and dessert at Cupcake Jones, before the show. I got a mini lemon cupcake. The frosting was a little waxy, but the cupcake itself was delicious. By the time we got to the show, I was glad I didn't take the trip to Eugene, like I had originally thought about doing. I was getting tired and ready to call it a night. The first act didn't help much...they were super mellow and not at all exciting. Thankfully, Ugly Colors went on after them. I watched their set, which was great, and we decided to head out after that. I missed Look Mexico, but I was there for Ugly Colors, so it's all good. I can't wait until they put their album out. I've been waiting for it for many of months. First time I heard it was at CD/Game Exchange. I was like, 'hey, that's good, who is it?' Turns out, it was the guy's band...so, he told me all about them, when they were playing next, that they were in the studio, etc., and now I'm hooked...for the moment. x-posted MySpace. post comment

[30 Mar 2009|09:35am] I started my second scarification, this morning. I'm super stoked about it. I've wanted it for a long while, now, but never really got around to it. I kind of started it outta rage, the other night, but this morning I was focused, so it's not all fucked up. People might think I'm crazy for doing it, but it's just another modification, to me. I got to do it myself, which is pretty awesome, but other than that...it's no different than a piercing or tattoo. What to do, today? I thought about taking a trip to Eugene, but found a show here I'd really like to see, so I guess I'm staying in town today. 2 comments|post comment

[29 Mar 2009|04:47am] On the topic of sleep and showers... Where's the line drawn between too much and not enough sleep? I've been to pretty much both the extremes in the past few weeks and yet I still don't feel rested, when I wake. It doesn't matter if I sleep for 15 minutes or 15 hours, I still wake up feeling like I need to sleep some more. Maybe it's my diet. Most likely it's my lack of exercise, but I'm not sure. As for showers...I envy people that can go days without showering and still function as normal. I have to have a shower every morning or my day just isn't good...it isn't a new day. 'Your day is only as good as your attitute.' post comment

[28 Mar 2009|04:52am] I don't know why I do this to myself. I was starting to feel better, then I go and stay up all night and stop taking my medicine. Like everything else in my life, I keep repeating my mistakes...I never learn. Back to the drawing board, with getting well. Another bottle of Mucinex, another box of Emergen-C...maybe one of these days I'll be a better me...well, at least. 1 comment|post comment

[27 Mar 2009|07:26pm] [ music | She Wants Revenge - Save Your Soul EP ] I tried to tell you, but you just wouldn't hear me Now it's hard to find the words to explain You're pushing forward while I'm pushing away I think it's time we set some rules to this game And she carries on She carries on She carries on, in her own way Looking for differences while you seek affection Now I think it's time that we should be friends Make me your enemy if that makes it easier For you to finally see it's the end Then she carries on She carries on She carries on, in her own way Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Would you take me with you, I'm all alone Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Please just take me with you, I'm all alone Holding me hostage with the motions and tears Wearing me down until I've lost my resolve In the morning when I break from these chains You act surprised, as if our problems were solved Then she carries on She carries on She carries on, in her own way Pack my bags and set them right by the door And cross my fingers as I head back inside I never meant to break your spirit, and sure There'll be regrets, but first I'll need to survive And we'll carry on We'll carry on We'll carry on, in our own ways Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Would you take me with you, I'm all alone Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Please just take me with you, I'm all alone I'm only asking because I'm Broken and tattered in two I'm only asking because I'm Simply enamored with you I'm only asking because I'm Broken and tattered in two I'm only asking because I'm Simply enamored with you Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Would you take me with you, I'm all alone Sugar don't you forget me, I'm only asking Please just take me with you, I'm all alone I'm all alone I'm all alone Sugar - She Wants Revenge [link expires in 7 days]. This EP fits way too perfectly at this exact point in my life, the ups and the downs...the love and the anger...I haven't,yet, decided if this is a blessing or a curse. post comment

[27 Mar 2009|08:18am] I should try this no sleep, lots of caffeine, thing more often. Two hours in and I'm still on high...I'll keep you posted on how long it lasts. I'm sure lunch'll kill it...I'm going to work on getting a half hour lunch, so hopefully the day won't drag on. Lots of things to do, when I get home, before bed. Got my P.O. Box paid for, this morning, so that's one check on the 'to do' list. My goal is to get at least two more things checked off, that list, today. post comment

[27 Mar 2009|06:31am] It's amazing the things one could do between work days, if they didn't sleep. I wasted my time away trying to fix something that I should've known wasn't fixable. However, if I wasn't spending my time on that, I could've probably read a book, finished some projects that'll probably never be completely finished, drove to the beach and back, hell...I could've drove to Seattle and back...I haven't done that in way too long. I could've learned a little guitar, made a map of RoadsideAmerica.com attractions in Oregon, or painted a very large painting. I don't plan on making this no sleep thing routine. I haven't even started this day and I'm ready for it to be over. In time...hopefully it'll go smoothly. post comment

[26 Mar 2009|09:14am] I've been holding onto something that isn't mine to hold onto. I don't know how to let go, but I have to find a way. It's no good for either of us. I'm never going to be ok with it and he's always going to have them around, it's easier to let one go than many...so, I've made the decision for the both of us. Going on with things...I must learn to accept people as they are and if I don't like them as they are, I need to not have them in my life...instead of trying to change them. We'll see how this all pans out. He won't like it. He'll find a way to suck me back in and nothing'll change...I'll still just be the girl he fucks and he'll have the rest of his MySpace whores to talk to...while I'm laying in bed next to him. What happened to my self respect? What happened to 'FUCK YOU, I'm the best thing in your life'? What happened to my strength? If this is love, you can have it...it's completely overrated...as are most things in this life. 5 comments|post comment

[25 Mar 2009|08:26pm] I'm tired of this life, I want a new one. I want something to look forward to, someone to share my happy days and sad days with, something different. The only real thing I'm looking forward to, these days, is getting my own place. I don't know when or how it'll happen, but it will happen. I've been looking at condos. I really think that's the best way to go, for me. I'd like something with a little yard, but I'm not finding anything in my price range, yet. So, I keep looking and I keep saving and keep wishing for something more...that is my life, for now, anyway. post comment

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